A Pre-Thanksgiving Exercise
When someone you know does something to hurt you, what do you do?
Do you confront him and seek to understand, or do you complain about him to your family and friends?
"If another member of the church sins against you,go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. - Matthew 18:15
In today's Gospel reading from Matthew, we learn that these types of issues are not new. People have had problems with each other throughout history, and apparently, we have struggled to determine how best to deal with those conflicts.
The advice Jesus gives his disciples may seem obvious. If someone does something to offend you, take him aside and talk with him. Try to resolve the issue privately. He goes on to say if that doesn't work, take someone with you, someone else from the church, someone trusted, someone who will not accuse or threaten.
Do we do this?
I admit that I don't always do this. My reaction is usually to recount the story to my wife after I have brooded enough about it so much that I have to say something to someone or I will burst.
Let it go, I think, when I've calmed down. But that doesn't work, does it?
Why is it harder to resolve conflicts than to complain about them?
I can think of several situations that began with a word or phrase that offended and over time, without a serious attempt to work out the conflict, a wall rose up and a pattern developed, a pattern of behavior that only led to more remarks, more bitterness, more conflict.
In the Gospel reading, Jesus advises us to try again when we can't work out a solution. Then, when that doesn't work, try again. And finally, if the whole church can't help turn the situation around, then give up and move on.
That's the easy part, the giving up part. But why should the onus be on us to try to reach an accord with someone who hurts us? Shouldn't they come to us to seek our forgiveness?
How is that working for you?
Unless we try to resolve conflicts, they will eat at us, grow within us and continue to hurt us. We need a definitive method of working out the differences and coming to an understanding wither way. Can we work this out or not?
If not, so be it. I have done all I can do. I'm done.
So, what do I take away form this lesson?
I think this is a good time of year to look back at the unresolved conflicts in my life, see if there is someone who hurt me or someone I hurt and take action to come to an understanding. I should do this now, before I begin my preparation next month for Thanksgiving. That way, I can come to the table knowing I have done all I can to be at peace with my neighbor.
Whew!
This is not going to be easy.
More to come...
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