Almost Dead
Have you ever had an experience that was life changing?
Neither did Saul, until he was sent on the road to Damascus.
Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. For three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. - Acts 8:8-9
Imagine what it must have been like for him.
Like most of us, he was so certain that what he was doing was right. What he encountered on the road to Damascus was something he never could have expected, something he never would have believed possible.
We all do it, don't we? We go through life building up confidence. As young people, we test the limits of our abilities and we come to believe we have it all together, that we are perfectly us.
At this stage in my life, I should hope to be perfectly me, but the story of Saul could be read as a warning, an invitation to rethink what I find so reassuring in my life and my ways.
What if all the good I believe I am doing is not what God wants? Will I be lucky and find out before I die?
Saul was given a shocking blow to his ego, and with it, he had a second chance, a rebirth.
He discovered that he was not perfectly aligned with the will of God, and unlike most of us, God gave him a wake up call, and set his path straight.
He wasn't asking for God's help. He thought he was helping God. So, why did it come to him and not to so many others?
Like Jacob who wrestled with God and walked away with a hip out of joint, Saul regained his sight but complained the rest of his life about an affliction, a thorn in his side, something that bothered him, hindered him.
Perhaps that is God's way of reminding us whose we are.
I am not perfect, and when I think I am, God makes it clear for me. He may set me right, but He may also leave me almost perfect.
It took Saul three days to regain his sight, three painful, fearful days. He didn't eat or drink. It was as if he was dead.
The closest we might come to an experience like that may be when we find ourselves in the hospital after a frightening ordeal, when we have no idea what is wrong with us.
We were fine and then we weren't. Until we know, until we regain our health, we are scared, lost, almost dead.
I recently witnessed someone go through this. For three days he was unable to eat. He was lost, even though, like Saul, he was a firm believer in God's healing power, in God's grace.
Doubt and uncertainty shattered his foundation.
We may all come to a point when we feel that way, but we need to believe that God is not abandoning us at that moment. We are actually closer to Him than we think.
Like Saul, we need to emerge as a new person, confident and redirected, alive in His glory, not ours.
Tomorrow we will celebrate our birth as a nation. Perhaps we should celebrate our rebirth as one people, awakening after a series of blows to our ego and senses, and become truly alive.
What ever path we think we are on, we need to be aware that we could be wrong, and that God has other plans for us. When we learn what they are, we may limp away, pained and confused, but we will get over it.
We have no other options but to heal and become one.
More to come...