Good Grief?

I never noticed before that the apostles were sleeping because of grief.

He came out and went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives; and the disciples followed him. When he reached the place, he said to them, "Pray that you may not come into the time of trial." Then he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done." Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and gave him strength. In his anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down on the ground. When he got up from prayer, he came to the disciples and found them sleeping because of grief, and he said to them, "Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray that you may not come into the time of trial." While he was still speaking, suddenly a crowd came, and the one called Judas, one of the twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him; but Jesus said to him, "Judas, is it with a kiss that you are betraying the Son of Man?" When those who were around him saw what was coming, they asked, "Lord, should we strike with the sword?" Then one of them struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his right ear. But Jesus said, "No more of this!" And he touched his ear and healed him. Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the officers of the temple police, and the elders who had come for him, "Have you come out with swords and clubs as if I were a bandit? When I was with you day after day in the temple, you did not lay hands on me. But this is your hour, and the power of darkness!" - Luke 22:39-53

They slept because of grief.

I know what that means now. I often find that I am too tired to stay awake and watch television or read.

These are things we did together each night. We would eat dinner while watching our favorite shows and then chat, have a glass of wine, and watch something we could talk about together during the commercials or between episodes.

Now, I am alone.

During the day, I keep myself busy writing. This is time I used to spend working. I wasn't home, or I worked from home in my home office. Not much difference.

But at the end of the day, when I should be excited about sharing my day with the person I love, I have a photo and memories to cling to.

I am not saying this for pity or compassion but to understand why they fell asleep. They were already suffering from grief.

Jesus had already left them. 

He was not teaching in the Temple or taking them with him on walks to sit beneath a tree and share stories and parables. He was gone from their lives.

Yes, he needed them to be there for him, but they were already suffering his loss.

Wow.

Grief is a powerful force that robs us of life, holds us in its grip, and forces us to look back rather than look forward.

So, I am no longer angry with the apostles for not being able to stay awake. I get it.

More to come...