Guilting it Back

There is a lot of talk about giving back these days, and I understand the sentiment behind the phrase, but I have to tell you that I believe some people apply it where it doesn't belong.

There is a cover article in the Sunday Life section of The Journal News today that is a perfect example of what I am talking about.

It is about five survivors who have become advocates in the fight against cancer, and that is great.  But the title of the article, "AFTER CANCER, GIVING BACK" makes it sound like there is a debt to pay for surviving a deadly disease.

Go, ahead, now.  Throw your stones.  I expect it, but hear me out.

Survivors of tragedies, disasters and diseases may have a difficult time dealing with two things, first that the terrible thing happened at all, and then that they survived while others didn't.    I think the term giving back capitalizes on survivor guilt.

There are many reasons people take up a cause, and not all of them have to do with guilt.  Some feel called to help while others are moved to act after hearing the stories of those in need or afflicted.   Many give as a way of praising God.

We are all blessed by God in many ways, and it is a wonderful thing to feel moved to share those blessings with others, but like God's grace, it is neither earned nor warranted.  It is just given, without strings, without demands, without need of thanks or repayment.

Giving is a great thing, and it is common practice for those soliciting gifts for their charities to make us feel guilty for what we have that others don't, including the gift of life.

Some of the most generous givers have very little to give, like the widow who offered her last two coins to the poor at the Temple.

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.  Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” - Mark 12:41-44

Using the language of giving back leads us to think not of the widow, but of the rich Temple Priests who collected the money and failed to pass it along to the ones for whom it was intended, the poor.  They should be made to feel guilty, because the money they collected was given to help the widows and orphans, those who could not support themselves.

I understand and appreciate the language that comes from wanting all who have to give to all who don't, and I can even see how that extends to those who survive deadly diseases.  But giving is an act of love, not something we should be shamed into doing.  And I certainly don't think those who have battled cancer or survived a tragedy should feel they owe something to others because they were saved.

That is between them and God.

Perhaps, a better way of sharing their story would be to praise them for making a commitment to their cause, without implying that they owed something to all who suffer in their stead.

You may feel I am being very nit-picky about the use of language here, but I think it matters.  As we read in Matthew, Jesus gave us an observation about human nature:

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:21

Giving of our treasures is an act of the heart.  It certainly is true that we may feel guilty if we stash away our treasures and fail to give to those in need.  And we may be called to task to explain why our heart wasn't focused on others.

When I give to others, it is out of love for them and not guilt.  All of us can give at all levels to all in need at all times, in the way we share our work, for those who don't have work and in the way we share our bounty, for those who have less.  So, if I choose to give to you, you don't need to feel obligated to give back to me.

OK, now let the stones fly.  Tell me your thoughts on this.  What is the language you use?



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