Hardhearted Moments

In this medically aware age of ours, if someone tells us we have a hard heart, we automatically think of hardening of the arteries or a heart attack, both leading to death.

Then he got into the boat with them and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened. - Mark 6:51-52

In today's Gospel reading, we once again have a very familiar scene.  Jesus is approaching his disciples who are alone in the boat.

They see him coming at them on the water and they are afraid, believing he must be a ghost.

Wouldn't we be likely to be just as afraid if we had that kind of experience?

What I find confusing is this: What caused their hearts to be hardened?

Was it the miracle of the loaves and fishes feeding so many?  Or was it Jesus walking on the water?

You might say it makes no difference for both are amazing, but I am troubled by the hard hearts.  Whenever we hear that hearts are made hard, whether by God's doing or not, someone fails to believe, and that failure often leads to a bad end.

So, did they fail to believe?

Do we all fail from time to time?

I think they did and we do too.  To be hardhearted is to be unmoved, disbelieving, stopped cold.  You would think that an experience so astounding as seeing Jesus walk on water would have the opposite effect, turning our cold, stone-like hearts to butter.

But the mind is a powerful switch, capable of turning off all access to the heart, stopping the input that could lead to action based not on reason and logic, but on pure emotion.  It is our protection from believing what could not possibly be true.

It is the mind that keeps us from harm, playing out frightening scenes during our dream state to flush itself of all those thoughts and fears that could harm us during the day.

So, when something unreal happens, the mind processes it the same way it handles those nightmares.  It shuts down our reactive state.

Our hearts become hard.  Not cold, not indifferent, but hard, unmoving, paused.

If we recognize these moments, if we can toggle the switch back just a bit and let the experience trickle in, we might just be able to come closer to understanding how God works in this world, how we can be one with God and still be true to ourselves.

 Because we have a strong desire to understand how things work, how the loaves and fish fed so many, how Jesus made his way to the boat, we get caught up in the belief-disbelief cycle, and we lose the ability to capture the thought and let it linger.

Like the disciples, our hearts harden and we miss the moment.

So, let us pray for soft hearts this Lent, for acceptance without understanding, and experiences without explanation.  Yes, it can be scary and risky, but we deserve a little amazement once in a while, don't we?

This is the day we have been given.  Let us rejoice and be glad.

More to come...