Hugs
In times of trouble, you know who your friends are.
Pleasant speech multiplies friends, and a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies. Let those who are friendly with you be many, but let your advisers be one in a thousand. When you gain friends, gain them through testing, and do not trust them hastily. For there are friends who are such when it suits them, but they will not stand by you in time of trouble. And there are friends who change into enemies, and tell of the quarrel to your disgrace. And there are friends who sit at your table, but they will not stand by you in time of trouble. When you are prosperous, they become your second self, and lord it over your servants; but if you are brought low, they turn against you, and hide themselves from you. Keep away from your enemies, and be on guard with your friends. Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter: whoever finds one has found a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price; no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; and those who fear the Lord will find them. Those who fear the Lord direct their friendship aright, for as they are, so are their neighbors also. - Ecclus. 6:5-17
Last night was our monthly grief counseling Zoom call.
For the first couple of months, I didn't want to be on the call. It was just too tough to sit through.
Some of the people have been attending for months and have been grieving for years. I didn't know any of these people, so I just listened.
Last night we talked about the "Dos and Don'ts" of communication with someone grieving. (See below)
True friends know what to say and not to say.
Mostly, they listen. They want to be present for the one who is hurting.
It takes time to become a true friend.
I don't mean that we need to get to know the person well. We do, but by time, I mean we have to mature.
Sure, there are friendships that grow from childhood and the ones that last are amazing, but we aren't mature enough as children and adolescents to appreciate that friendship.
It is when one of us experiences pain that friendships grow stronger. A hug is one of the most powerful acts of friendship one can do.
We don't need lists to tell us what to say and what not to say. We just need to open our arms and welcome someone in.
More to come...