Next Step, First Step
When I am in a hurry to get somewhere, the last thing I want to do is stop. I build up momentum, have a clear vision of what I need to accomplish to complete the task, and wham, my focus is pulled away, and my progress slows to a crawl.
When that happens, my first response is to keep pushing, plodding forward, making minor adjustments, hoping to work around the obstacle or barrier. The harder I push, the more obstacles I encounter, until I have no choice but to stop dead.
When the dust settles (because there is always dust at this point, mostly from me kicking up a storm, mentally, if not physically), I have to give in. The sudden clarity doesn't ease the frustration, though. I get angry with myself for not seeing the signs, for not stopping earlier to correct the problem. I have to accept that I have wasted time, time I didn't have.
Sometimes when I am discouraged or uncertain, when I am confused about my next step, I pray for guidance and wisdom. I may not stop to do that, since I am usually pressed for time when I find myself in these situations, but I hear myself calling out for help while I press on.
The answer may come in a thought, a call from a friend, or in the daily readings. Today, though, I am drawn to a line that doesn't seem to have anything to do with my dilemma.
If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. - Luke 6:29
The reading from Luke's Gospel is all about the golden rule. What does that have to do with my situation, stopped and blocked by my own stubbornness?
The strikes on the cheek don't always come from someone else. Maybe the message of doing unto others as I would have them do unto me, could also apply to how I treat myself.
Do unto yourself, as you would have others do unto you.
When I am struggling, I don't need some one's advice on all the things I should have done, so why would I taunt myself with those same thoughts? It doesn't help me move forward, and it doesn't give me the stillness I need to hear my inner voice, the one that will enlighten the path and get me on the right track.
There will be times like this. Frustration, doubt, second guessing, beating myself up, are all a part of every experience, if I let them be. Rather than fight them, perhaps I need to do as Luke says.
Take it all, clear the desk, and let me start anew. Whatever it takes, it takes, and I am not getting anywhere by brooding over it. The next step will be the first.