Second Life

Bearing Fruit

Change continues to come, even if we try to ignore it, or think we are adapting to it.

I used to think I was an agent of change, if not in the world, than at least at work in the world through my job.  When I look at my accomplishments through my own eyes, I see value.  Growth, maturity, understanding, compassion, motivation, leadership, the list goes on.

But there is always another way to look at oneself, through other eyes, from a different perspective.  In business, the euphemism for being caught in the headlights is "The Bigger Picture".  There is a value and purpose beyond us, the goal of the company.

If it was easy to see how our goals and efforts align with those of the firm, then there would be no surprises.  Annual evaluations would not be needed.  We would all be able to see how far off course we are, and if we choose to make corrections, we can continue to work on the team, and if we don't, we're out.

As elusive an indicator of our success as that may be, the bigger picture, meaning the value and purpose of our lives in total, is even more difficult to grasp.  How do we know where we stand in the greater scheme of things?

More importantly, how many chances do we have to get it right?

In today's Gospel reading, Jesus gives us a short parable that can be frightening.  He forces us to think about our lives as if we are a fig tree that bears no fruit.

He replied, 'Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'" - Luke 13:8-9

There are two characters in this story, the owner of the vineyard and the gardener.  The owner tells the gardener to cut down the tree since it has borne no fruit and is wasting the soil in which it is planted.  But the gardener wants to tend to the tree for one more year, giving it all it needs to be fruitful.  Then, there will be no excuse if the tree fails to produce figs.

I have been both of these characters throughout my career.  I have faced the owner who demanded a list of those employees who had been the least productive, when looking to conserve resources, and I have been the owner, not wanting to waste time and money on projects and people who failed to meet expectations.

Then, one day, I realized, I am also the tree.

Looking back on that last year before I lost my job, I can see that it was a test.  My role had been changed, along with my location, reporting lines, everything.  And I tried to embrace the change, but I didn't feel the same sense of belonging that I had before, when the work I was doing was closer to my strengths and skills.  So, I was not surprised when I was cut.

Something happened, though, at the beginning of that transition, in the last year before the change, that was a hint at who the gardener was in my situation, and if I had understood the signs, I would have realized that it wasn't going to be my new boss.

At the time, two organizations were coming together, groups that had previously been rivals.  To help us get to know each other on a personal level, we prepared short presentations, highlighting our strengths, skills, passions and interests.  We were told to use pictures to tell the story and I remember how much fun it was to pull together a variety of images that could represent me, in total, not just the way I was at work.  I included my family, my love of music, pictures of my garden, the work I did in the church, photos of our travels, outreach projects, I went all out.

On e of my peers commented that I seemed to have many interests beyond my work, and I took that as a compliment.  It wasn't meant that way.  That peer was to become my new boss, and in less than 18 months, I would be gone.

I believe that exercise was nourishment, and the gardener was the Holy Spirit.  After I lost my job, I took that presentation to a career counselor and he showed me how to turn it into a five year plan, by evaluating my strengths, and listening to my inner voice.

I remember the plan had two paths that, at the time, seemed in conflict with each other.  One was secular, while the other was spiritual.  The prospect of starting a second life at the age of 53 seemed both daunting and challenging, but choosing between the two paths was more difficult than I expected. I thought I could find a good job that paid as well as the one I lost (or close) and then down the road, look into education in ministry.

But the Holy Spirit had another plan in mind.  Start with God, and trust in Him, and the path will become clear.  When I choose to do that, my second life begins.